March 10th, 2010-
It started with me not feeling well in the afternoon so I laid down for a bit at my apartment. When I woke up I felt a pain in my stomach that wouldn't go away and wouldn't get better no matter what position I was in. I called my mom and told her I didnt feel right, and I thought I may need to go into the ER. She said she could hear something was wrong in my voice and came over right away. When I got to the ER the doctor was quite confused at what could be going on but ran all the usual tests for a UTI, kidney infection, stomach ulcer, gallbladder, etc... everything came back negative! The doctor was convinced it wasn't my appendix because my pain wasn't presenting correctly but finally after 6 hours, decided to do a test to check. This test was graphic and therefore I will not share the details but it was painful, nauseating, scary, and I nearly fainted many times but in the end it said my appendix was about to burst and I would need surgery soon. FYI most hospitals no longer perform this test in Colorado due to its painful and unnecessary nature. I then was sent upstairs to the pediatrics floor and given meds for pain and to help me sleep for surgery in the morning.
March 11th, 2010-
8:00am- I am woken up by the nurse who says it is almost time for surgery, I remember very little of this time except being told by my parents (and every health professional) that it was a routine surgery and I would be back from it soon, feeling much better. I remember the pre-surgery room, and then I fell asleep.
After surgery- I remember waking up to a nurse firmly stating my name quite loudly in recovery and when I opened my eyes she told me that I was having a hard time coming out of the anesthesia but would be transferred up to my room soon. As soon as I got to my room I remember seeing my parents and feeling really tired but the nurse told me it was normal and to just rest. Every once in a while I remember waking up to the nurse taking my blood pressure and her and my mom trying to wake me up but I was so exhausted I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Not long later- I remember waking up to my nurse telling me that I was being transferred to the Telemetry floor for closer observation and that my blood pressure was a little low.
After being transferred- I started feeling lots of pain in my abdomen that starts stinging and burning and spreading. I asked the new nurse about it when she came in yet again to take my blood pressure and was told that the pain medications from my surgery were wearing off but that I could not have any more at this time because my blood pressure was too low. I remember starting to feel cold.....exhausted....
The next few hours went pretty much like this:
Pain.....exhaustion.....wake up in pain.....start to feel cold....pass out from the pain.....wake up to a bunch of people in my room....pass out from pain......start to feel my arms and legs go tingly.....feel really cold....pass out from pain.....wake up to chaos again and I am laying in bed with my feet up in the air.....pass out from pain......
This went on for what seemed like forever, and I never could seem to stay awake long enough to figure out what was going on or to tell anyone how I felt. I remember my mom calling my name trying to wake me up, I remember when I was passed out dreaming about my cousin (who has passed on) sitting in front of me watching me and Jesus (no I could not see what he looked like, he was just a light and I knew it was him) standing next to him. I remember that dream being so peaceful and calm and bright and everything was so perfect! It was the absolute best feeling in the world! And then I would wake up and people would be running around me, I was so cold, my lips were so dry I couldnt really move them, my arms and legs were weak and the pain had spread across my entire abdomen. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't even cry, but I knew in my gut I was dying.....
I can't explain how I knew but I think when your body gets to the point that organs start shutting down (and mine was starting to) you just know you are dying. At first I was scared, but then I kept seeing my cousin and Jesus and I wanted to be with them, it was so peaceful there and the pain was so intense where I was. I remember thinking that my parents would go on they had each other, my brother and sister would go on with their lives and eventually be ok. But my husband (who was a good friend at the time) came to mind many times and it just didn't sit right with me that he would be told I died but I figured he would marry someday and go on.
Eventually- I was told I was going back into surgery because I was bleeding internally and needed to be fixed. I begged the nurse to just let me go, I told her it was too hard and I was going to be with Nick (my cousin) she told me to hold on. I remember them quickly walking me (they may even have been semi running) to surgery and as we were going I remember telling my mom that I saw Nick and I was going to be with him....she firmly told me not to go with him and hang on. I honestly didnt want to survive...it hurt too much, this world was too scary, and I knew I was going to a better place...I tried to say goodbye to my parents but apparently I never got the words out...it was the only moment when I didn't want to die.
I was wheeled into surgery before being given medication to knock me out and I remember seeing the bright lights above me, the nurses in surgery scrubs, and I thought to myself "this is the last thing I will ever see..."
8:00pm- I wake up being wheeled back to my room and I am confused as to why I am alive, I thought I was dying...how did I survive. Then pain hits me hard and now on top of the pain I had before the surgery, I have intense external pain where my incisions were cut into again (only 6 hours apart). I remember seeing my family in my room and my roommate in my room but between the pain and the surgery I couldn't stay awake and fell asleep again.
The next few days were a blur of visitors, pain, nausea..........then therapy to move my arms and legs again. I remember asking my mom to scratch my nose because I didnt have the strength in my arms to lift my hand to my nose. There were nurses walking into my room who I had never seen before telling me that they were amazed I survived, and I remember the frustration of wrestling through the pain and realization that I was actually alive. No amount of pain medication covered my pain and I didnt stop feeling pain for a good three months or so later.
I remember doing therapy to try and walk again, and I remember the b*tch of a nurse who took my walker away while I was in the bathroom and then told me I had to learn to walk so she made me get from the bathroom to the bed by myself without her assistance....it took me a good 20 minutes, conveniently this was also when my parents took their first break from me all week to get breakfast and when they came back with McDonalds she lectured them about their food choices and how they were making me (I was 21 at the time) fat! The very first time I felt hungry in a week the only thing I wanted was a waffle and she cancelled my order and gave me graham crackers with peanut butter...I was irate, kicked her out of my room, and demanded that I either get a new nurse or be discharged because I refused to let this lady take care of me. To say the least I went home that day.
The next 6 weeks: I spent at my parents house, living on the couch, recovering. I couldn't stand on my own, and walking to the bathroom took forever. I would get nauseous taking my pain meds so I would stop but then get nauseous due to the pain and end up having anxiety attacks due to the pain and nausea together. Slowly I recovered, but many nights I couldnt sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time due to the pain but Jeremy (my husband now) would stay up to all hours of the night texting me to keep me company. He was in college in Tennessee at the time and would turn on the same TV program as me (usually on the cooking channel) and then text me and watch the episodes with me like he was right in the room with me.
Eventually I recovered....I tried my hardest to move on. It took a long time! I didnt get my strength or my energy back for a good year. I ended up in the ER about a month later when one of my internal stitches started tearing my abdominal muscles. Then I ended up back in the hospital about 8 weeks after the surgeries vomiting blood due to my stomach lining being stripped from acid during the trauma. My recovery was hard and I still have nerve damage and some short term memory problems from the lack of blood to my brain but overall I am SO blessed to not only be alive but to have virtually no permanent effects from the surgery.
By all medical standards I should I have died....I lost over half my blood (3.5 liters), bled internally for 6 hours, lost most of the blood to my arms and legs, started losing blood to my brain, and received 6 units of blood to save my life...I should not be here...but the good thing is, science is not absolute because there is always the God factor. I have struggled with why I am still here, but I can never deny the fact that God chose to save me that day! I will live my life knowing that I am here for a reason, and that God is not done with me yet, but when my time does come, I have the rare advantage of knowing exactly where I am going and I got the extraordinary gift of seeing a glimpse of it that day 4 years ago...